Yay, it's over! Well, it's not over OVER but I've conquered 7/8 subjs. Now that's a pretty big achievement for a PUNY, yes puny fart like me (: This bout of tests' been the most depressing period of my entire life. I swear by that. And I'm glad to have friends who stood by me all these while :D I love you all, muchly. <33 I've learnt something more valuable than all those facts and equations and historical evidences etc etc etc I've learnt that learning how to let go is very important. You lose something, you gain something else, something that'll be part of you for the rest of your life. So yeah.

Yilin dreamt of me yesterday! Haha, she dreamt that I was cooking 2 SUPER DUPER big drum sticks in her house and I wouldn't let her eat them. And she had two babies because a mad woman dumped them on her when she was on her way to buy baos from this store. HAAHAHAHA she's shitass crazy. I like.

Then Resh dreamt that I killed myself. Cos I didnt go to sch for the paper, so they were wondering where I was. Then Ms L and Mr R came into the class and called Resh out, and the rest of our clique as well, telling them that something happened to me. (i dont know the rest of the story, resh didn't finish her story! cos we were interrupted by yilin on how capitalism... haha mugging for hist before the paper y'see) Yes, we got carried away. Resh buddy, although I know you didn't cry for me when I died (WTH you shld okay. at least pretend to?) I still love you! <3 Thanks for sticking around/with me, you little brown twig-like thingum. Heh. Still remember how you and Cara wished that I committed suicide before the papers last eoys so that you all will be spared of the tests due to post-chu_wen depression (calling my name out and writing my name all over the paper during the test's simply psychotic). HAHA yeah right. kiss my ass, i'll live.

In all, I love my friends.

except one

to sue to live,
i find i seek to die.
and seeking death, find life.
let it come on.

i survive

I'm coming to terms for not being able to do well this semester. Maths was major screw up though I felt that I could do it... just that my brains were functioning at such an annoyingly slow pace, and that I was so worn out I wasn't thinking straight. Hence, the careless mistakes, leading to weird, jumbled up answers. These aren't excuses, I know they aren't, cos I can feel the exhaustion, and yet am unable to do anything to dissipate it. Exasperating. Social studies, well, cross my fingers and pray for the best. Yeah, been letting off steam today. Thanks for listening to me Resh (: really meant alot to me. A real break from all the hectics of examinations and whatnots. Went to bed at 10 last night, tossed and turned till 12. No wonder I couldn't concentrate on the papers today. Math equations and SS WTO/FREE TRADE fair trade points were circling in my head like crazy. And for once, I could comprehend how/why people commit suicides due to stress. You never know how it feels like, till it gets to you. Funny thing was, I was imagining myself, climbing to the non-existant school clock tower and before I could reach the edge of the building, I decided that I should stop all morbid thoughts and just clear my mind (and hopefully fall asleep). There's still hope and optimism in me, so hurray for that huh. Competition drives you nuts. Pressure, deal with it.

When nothing's right, nothing's left.

are you good enough?

When you're down and out, nothing seems to right.

i had a bad weekmonth

Think I teared during physics today. Ho was rushing through,and I happened to not bring my physics file with all the worksheet and notes. I was so, damn, lost. I tried so hard to keep up at first but I gave up in the end. Then I felt the sudden stress so I guess the siren went off and the taps leaked. HMM. I can't take it, I'm so dumb! I wanna get stuffs but I can't, it's so annoying when the world around you get sky high grades and you're stuck with your pathetic lil scores ): Ahh, dumb day, bad day whatever. Tomorrow's gonna be worse, cos we're getting back SS and I screwed it up, big time. So, you'll get one irritated, stressed out freak for the rest of the month (till my exams are over). FFFFUDGE.

Think I teared during physics today. Ho was rushing through,and I happened to not bring my physics file with all the worksheet and notes. I was so, damn, lost. I tried so hard to keep up at first but I gave up in the end. Then I felt the sudden stress so I guess the siren went off and the taps leaked. HMM. I can't take it, I'm so dumb! I wanna get stuffs but I can't, it's so annoying when the world around you get sky high grades and you're stuck with your pathetic lil scores ): Ahh, dumb day, bad day whatever. Tomorrow's gonna be worse, cos we're getting back SS and I screwed it up, big time. So, you'll get one irritated, stressed out freak for the rest of the month (till my exams are over). FFFFUDGE.

okay, how could i have forgotten the highlight of the day? anw, before school yesterday, dad got up early with mom and they were sitting round the dining table. and they made this really interesting and funny conversation! here goes...

mom: you're fat. look, you have double chin, it makes you look as if you dont have a neck!
dad: huh where got! dont have lah. -fumbles for neck
mom: have lah! (fastforward) see, you look like a frog!
dad: i know you meant toad -sulks.
bro and i: -chokes on milk and starts laughing
dad: fine, i'm going for morning walk (something like that), you join me lah.
mom: walk where?
dad: botanical gardens
mom: ee, so far dont want. walk here lah, around the neighbourhood
dad: dont want! i need people to walk around me!plus i've seen all the houses in our neighbourhood already. so boring.
me: aiyah, okay go macritche lah daddy.
dad: oh yah good idea. havent been there before. but... WHAT IF I GO IN CANNOT COME OUT? (HAHAHAHAHAHA) somemore now's hungry ghost festival leh! got alot of non-living things walking around us
mom: aiyah, (to dad) you go back to sleep lah!

haha oh my.

well, the princess has to kiss a toad/frog before...

pictures: courtesy of darrell. (great drawing!)
he becomes a prince! (: [please ignore the pouty/swollen lips of the princess, she braved the poisonous skin of toads for true love! everyone say, awww<33]

mommy's daddy's princess.

btw, im on channel eight. got caught in some advert. karwei said if you blink, you'd probably miss me (: i dont like being on tv.

ahh crap. today's the last ss lesson and i still have zilch idea on what we're tested on. same for history, i am one helluva messed up girl. bio was equally bad, i figured that dropping bio for jc wouldnt be that bad of an idea. physics, chem (not like they're anywhere close to good but they're better). okay, was doing math at delifrance and guess who i saw walking past the glass doors? sunlaoshi! you know.. our sec 2 form teacher? yah, in pink and all. she reminds me of a ball of fluff. like candy floss, yum! yes, then i was stuck for math revision ws 2 cos the question was dumb lah. called hannah and my phone hung halfway! was so embarrassing cos i didnt realise that it went off, so i was actually talking to a 'dead' phone for like what, 20seconds? i hate talking over mobile phones, cos whenever i do so, the picture of braincells/skincells/tissues sizzling and vanishing due to radioactivity (?) will flash past. super annoying, and i blame it on mom cos she's forever giving me examples of people arnd her who got cancer cos of excessive mobile phone usage.

one tip: use the wire when using the handphone. bluetooth headphones wont make a difference.

yes, assembly. the talk was on homosexuality! how appropriate -coughcough. haha, i thought the speakers and the entire talk actually, was pretty contradictive. there they are going on and on about how they were stressed up and hence turned guy/lesbian/transsexual/to-be-transvestite and it's alright, and then, they tell us to look for help and call their helplines etc. i mean, what are you trying to get across? thatbeing a homosexual is okay? or being a homosexual means you need help? im a confused kid. hrms.

side note: i think being bisexual's the best lah! best of both worlds haha

then was math, i couldnt wait to get outta class! was praying so hard that the mobile dentist clinic would call me! and they did! the dentist was super talkative. like, extreme! i mean, he loves monologues seriously! what was i to do? try to answer him with my mouth open and his hands in it? bummer. he did fillings for me but it's not cavity kay! they're just imperfections(haha) so he decided to fill it up in case it leads to cavity in the future.

fact/fiction: chu_wen brushes her teeth everyday with colgate! she has a darlie smile :DDDDD

chinese was major screw up. that chinaman (no negative connotation here) seriously sucks big time. dont know how i'm gonna pass my prelims and o's. i want laoshi back, she can neglect her national-day baby for all i care! :b ):

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting

oh joy, i'm updating almost everyday. so paper 1 was okay today, nothing much to rant nor gush about. i've finally started on revision, like officially (: so many of us missed philo today, well, i was sleeping in class... so damn exhausted. shouldn't be this way, given that i sleep at almost 11pm every night nowadays. that's like uber early?! sleeping disorder again ):

school was pretty fun today (i think), i remember laughing alot but i can't seem to remember what. hmm. tell me if i'm wrong, hmm might be hallucinating again. oh i remember one, twas during math lesson and we went to shaw lab to do some math game. how fun. so yes, i was utterly bored cos the game was seriously juvenile and i was moving the mouse in circles like.. really quickily. the point is, mrs l was standing at the back of me the whole while, while i was making stupid comments and silly noises. like how the aeroplane goes "vrroooom" and complaining "oh this is such a stupid game, waste of my time" and all that nonsense. resh was so kind? she knew l was standing at the back of me the whole time and she didnt bother to slap me on the back or ask me to shut up or anything. i'm now in the black book of l officially. ): spells trouble.

okay, well, went down to NUH after school and realised that mom got the wrong date for my appointment! bummed around for an hr while mom does her grocery shopping so that pretty much sums up my thursday.

damn, i hate thursdays.

english paper one tmr. last block, hooboy. i've just gotta get my juices flowing then! was going through my english readings and formulating my thoughs on um, singapore as a global city at coffee bean today. dee came to, uh join me for awhile so yeah, after that had math tuition then went home. im so tired, i think i wont be able to pen down anything tmr ): the exam stress's beginning to set in due to the following 10 reasons:
1) everyone around me's studying!
2) im not studying!
3) i still think i have alot of time!
4) i dont get gazillion and one things!
5) everyone around me's still studying!
6) ditto
7) ditto
8) ditto
9) ditto
10) ditto
-sulks.

okay, i've finished printing all the bio notes. they're like ink-suckers man! i printed colour for all of them, if not cannot see the funny thangs that are in the cell and stuff. but this time round, i used recycled paper as in like the other side of the paper's printed with some random stuff. so i hope that'll be sufficient to atone my sins. oh bother.

gotta go down to the docs tmr, so i guess i can only officially start studying on friday. good luck to self!

btw, the tchrs in nyp has something against my brother. dumb asses. shall elaborate some other day. ciao and out.

carmen sent me a picture of kerri walsh yesterday night. shes not exactly beautiful pretty though, but shes pro, supposedly. haha. this is my desktop template currently. dont you all think her bod's to die for? and her legs too. 1.97m, a tad too tall for all the guys in s'pore to swallow. hurhur.

imma gonna train so hard for abs hahaha, if i can sustain that is! -grumbles.

oh yes, oral was pathetic. i was in the room all by myself, so i could do a solo rendition of any song i like and no one could hear me. i was the last for orals y'see. so yeah (: the quote was "the old i can understand; they have been around for more than half their lives and have more experience, it's the young ones i dont get" or something along that line lah. i was like wth? so i spent like 234234234mins trynna make sense of what this quote was trynna say. ahh fudge. it isn't any better when i have to speak to 2 zombies, i hate being the last. grr.

ok shall scram and make myself useful :D

p.s good for you denise! haha

yoyoyo! imma high person today, cos i'm having my thingadingaling. imma talking to amelia right now and she's sucha piece of shit right? right. so anyway, i miss that partner of mine, cos i havent been seeing her for so long.. (even my hair turned white alr) yeah, and i know your ass's really fat and cushiony right now.-raps eminem's ass like that hahah! you'll need loads of that when you mug, so be a ponner-kid like me baby!

hoooyeah, talking abt thingadingalings, it's been only 2 weeks since i last had it and wth? im having it again. oh mama. i bet no one can beat my record of having it 4 times in one month. so bloody, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

note to self: im da bomb! i can crack to many jokes in one convo. hmm, keep up the good work. :DDDDD

im cool aight amelia! i know you love me, you love me but you dont know who i am. rightos, i kinda KINDA miss you lah. maybe i go for trng this thurs for 5mins just to see you? aww man, how sweet can i get? remember to bring kachik aight? hahahaa.

i wanna talk abt orals yesterday, maybe later. im too high to talk abt shitty stuffs like orals now. maybe later. ciao yall.

cos words cant bring me down

imma so gonna dye my hair white one day. that's after i shave my head (and when the hair grows back of course!) yeah, now i understand why b2 loves gray/white hair. uber cool dont you think?

i taped my bro's mouth tdy cos jd was studying for chi and jj wouldn't stop yaking. so with the official decree (from my mom of course), i was given the honour of taping jj's mouth with the tape! nyehnyeh.

dad brought us to play pool yesterday. midnight pool, sucks like hell. dont know how im gonna ever beat gloriaong that poot.

i am so owned by integration. grah. orals tmr, and english paper 1 on wed. im owned, dead, pk-ed, tko-ed bummer =\

"auntie uncle xiaojie lai mai wo de tissue paper hao ma? one dollar, one dollar, hello one dollar"
this is the song of the day! super addictive okay! pay me two dollars and i'll shut up... you wish! hurhur. if anyone sees the auntie selling tissue paper at simei, pls go forward and buy her tissue papers! it's only one dollar, andandand pls record her singing! i was being annoying again today, hannah wanted to pay me two bucks to shut the hell up. haha :b

"auntie uncle xiaojie lai mai wo de tissue paper hao ma? one dollar, one dollar, hello one dollar"

ooh, we've got clara.t for orals! hope i'll get her on monday too! i like her, at least i can crap yknow. i know yilin will like her too, afterall c.t did yank her panties during the france trip. perv.

ogay (copyright vicky! -wags finger TSKTSK), von just sent me nationalday photos. this year's nats day wasnt as hyped up as last years. ): in any case, enjoy the pictures :D

qiana! our warrior princess. no kidding, we won the 2nd prize for costume design okay! 405 roxxorzZ!

national day netballer photo! :D manda, von, shihui, anna, amelia <3

people i love! <3>

cows drink milk!

debbo, my spastic friend

yummy yummy yummy ive got love in my tummy!

these are the days of our lives

"everything is eatable, including me. But if you ate me, it would be considered as cannibalism, and that is frowned upon in most societies"

(:The dumb willy wonka song's stuck in my head ): been singing it whole day long with sab hahaha.

willywonka willywonka that amazing choclatier, willy wonka willy wonka everybody give a cheer!

Anyway, the thought of the day was triggered by this quote from our dearest history teacher.. (speaking of us behind our backs)

"Get real, they don't have a childhood"

The whole entire saga started when the school asked the Sec4s if they would like the push the Bio EOY forward so that we could enjoy the holiday. Apparently, there was this commotion, cos dear us, would like to spend the holidays mugging our ass off, trying to make sense of vectors, plasmid beta galactosidase gobules gobules gobble gluababasdfdfdfs. Okay, right now, my mind's still in the state of shock after Bio this morning. Happens everytime, cos I'd just stare at Ms Neo and she stares at the class and the class just looks at her with this blank and suicidal look. haha.

So yes, Ms L was trying to tell us that there are more important things in life besides work (which is true) but hello? It's the world's fault that we suffer. I like the way she grieves for us. It's a fuzzy feeling that someone actually cares. It's there, but we can't do anything about it. As the old saying goes... "go deal with it". heh. i was thinking, if all the textbooks/notes/ppt slides/assignments/pts were razed to the ground one day (dont you guys relish at the thought too?), we would probably be at a lost. all play and no work makes ______ a dull ______?

It's a cruel and bitter world I tell ya. If determinism were to be true (whatever shit I tried digesting for philo today... i'll go to that later) yes, i would have the person who decide that we suffer the way we do now put behind bars. no, that's too mild. I'll have him/she/it turn into pool balls and i will whack him/she/it so hard each time i play pool (and do a jump ball), that the uncle at monster will come and scold me for creating a dent in his table. Aiyah, that person will die a terrible death lah!

Okay philo was b.a.d. I simply dont understand why on earth we even bother abt discussing if everything in life is predetermined or not. It's like a chicken and egg questions!? like hello, we have better things to do (like study!) than to think of things that make our already mashed up brain turn into pulp. Thinking of such questions makes no sense, and i dont see how it'll make a difference to our lives. It's like... walking along the roads... wondering if the car round the corner will knock into us or not. Result of it all? Paranoia, and irritation AND undue stress. Just like how im feeling right this moment. UGHH.So philosophy presentation was CRAP, i didn't know what i was talking abt and i apologise for not being able to answer your questions posted to my presentation. HA-HA. I don't think anyone really bothered abt finding the "right" answer since, i think, there isn't one.

i'm in a semi-pissed off mood today. __

national day stinks like hell. we were in the hall, so stinkay. and stuffy ):

but our class won for the costume design competition! yay 405! qianhua aka qiana was our warrior. haha ok i just thought she could eat up the rest of the models and dump them into a big mixing bowl to make rojak. okay, im hungry, cold, and deprived.

today national day. i stayed at home and played yahoo pool the ENTIRE day. how sad's that? a few days ago, i was like the pro. now, im the loser. a few days ago, everyone didnt wanna play with me cos i'll eat up their ratings... now everyone wanna play with me ): why's the world like that. dog eat dog. WOOF! my ratings dropped from 1400 to 1200 like wth.

until darrell came along and my ratings grew till 1300. i wonder why. :D

i think i shld do work now. but? do WHAT?

piano today.. i have perfect pitch. is that pro or what? so next time, dont comment on my singing. you guys are probably the ones with poor hearing! not me humph.

one last thing, charlie and the choc factory's warped. willy wonka, that fat chocolate boy, that blueberry girl and that skinny guy.. even the oompa loompas. eeew. i hate listening to tiny men sing. what a turn off. i like charlie, hes the sane one (:

i like grapes. :D

Oh joy! Chinese's mocks finally over. BY THE WAY, I woke up at 7.45am today when the paper's suppose to be at EIGHT. OMG! I was an adrenaline rush. I got downstairs by 7.50 but my mom wasn't home cos she went to the market! then at 7.51 she came home and I was like, " DIE!" So my mom sped then there was a traffic jam cos of some dumb accident that took up three lanes! She actually could weave in between cars with her MPV. Haha, I was trying to keep my cool! In the end I still reached school on time (not really lah), miraculously. Everyone was still moving into the hall. So scary! I think I really have some sleeping disorder of some sort. Resh and I actually overslept when we were in London. Thank goodness we still had Roy and Karwei to come banging at our doors. But this time... PLEH. I've really gotta count my blessings! Please remind me to buy 10 alarm clocks when the exams are near so I'll never, EVER, OVERSLEEP!!!

Anw, bet everyone's going to FOP this afternoon. Xueting asked Resh and I to go for fun today, but us being us, decided that going out of the house was too much a chore for a Saturday afternoon hah. Was down with fever yesterday so I didn't go to school in the morning. Went to School for Math and Chinese though (last 2 blocks).. yeah, stupid yingyongwen test lah. So hooyah. I wanna go watch Charlie and Choc Factory now. I've got not one, not two but FIVE tickets. (BIG DEAL HAHA). Willy Wonka here I come. :D

On Thursday, Von and I decided to go for a superduper long run. From school to Botanical Gardens and BACK. One big holely round! So tiring! The dog barked and Von was screaming her guts out. No wonder she ran so fast lah! Her spurt of Energy haha. Poor me was trying to keep up with her. Next time round, we'll probably run round orchard instead. My muscleaches are unbearable. I feel like my body's gonna fall apart soon. -wobbles off.